Sh*t my daughter says

“give me a word that starts with T”


“Time for a shower!”


“Yesterday we asked, bath tonight or shower tomorrow, and you said…”

“Yes, shower tomorrow!  … and I’m not dirty.  My bruvver, he’s dirty.”


“Are these real chips?”

“What do you mean? They’re corn chips, I think.”

“Chips made of POP CORN??”

“Not pop corn, just corn.”

Looks at me very confused.  I don’t think she knows what corn is.


Me (to my mom): something something something, Donald Trump is destroying everything.

Princess: What?? Destroying everything?  I’m scared!  (whimpers)

Me: Of what, Princess?

Princess: Of Trumps, of course!

short pause

Princess: Are Trumps real?

Me: unfortunately….

Princess (nervous): Trumps are real?? I’m scared….

Me: me too, girl


princess: I’m such a savage little girl!!

Me:??? What does savage mean?

princess: like… dangerous

Me: did you hear that on the radio?

Princess: (smiles mysteriously)

Munchkin: no. She really is savage. Dangerous. She is one of the most dangerous five-year-olds in America. And I mean NORTH America.


“I like learning things. Like, where does nature come from? Some things I already know. For example, where do sticks come from? That’s a good question. Sticks come from trees. Now, a really good question is, where do pine cones come from?”

“Also trees.”

“Right! O’course! Pine cone trees!”